I tried the NoFap streak approach for 10 years and as far as most people are concerned - I succeeded with that approach. I was very determined and set out to do whatever it took to overcome my problem with porn. The streaks got longer and I felt good about things at times. But, then I would relapse. Always. I would never stay stopped. I'd go back to porn. And if anything this made things worse. I'd end up binging and edging and I had no real groundedness or stability in my life. I also felt condemned to ticking off a number of habits each day to ensure I didn't return to porn. So, I'd be taking cold showers, meditating, reducing my screen time and trying to avoid all triggers day in and day out. All in all, my life was one big obsession with overcoming porn. I created an illusion of control, believing I was achieving progress and success on my "journey" of quitting porn. But, the sad reality was I'd just created a new prison for myself. A prison where I was more stuck than ever. And most importantly, this prison that I had created to try and keep me safe from the harm of porn didn't even succeed at that. I still returned to porn. A streak is just a bunch of numbers. It doesn't change the addicted neural pathways. Finally, I got help from a very experienced addiction recovery expert - Mari Paulus. She taught me the Beyond Compulsion™ method and it completely transformed my thinking.
Instead of trying to control addiction with streaks and good habits, we can actually change the addicted neural pathways for good. Streaks and good habits inevitably come to an end. Some trigger or urge feels too difficult to deal with and we go back to the behaviour. If a streak had no end, it would not be a streak. We need an end. Otherwise we will be stuck in addiction indefinitely, just going around in circles. So, what we need to do is realise that permanent mental freedom is possible. But, how do we get here? We change our thinking and most importantly we deal with compulsive desires correctly. What happens when you connect to urges and think through the choice, based on rational, over and over and over again is that the brain changes. We change the porn-addicted brain maps and with time, the desire lessens. We change the addicted neural pathways and get to finally be free of this problem for good. If you take one thing from this short blog it is this: change your goal from counting a streak to experiencing and not acting on urges. The more times you deal with urges correctly, the more you rewire your brain. Don't do what I did and believe you are making progress by simply going a number of days without porn. I did this through substitution, avoidance and distraction. Staying busy and having good habits. This works for a little while but it is exhausting, and most importantly it doesn't change the actual addicted neural pathways and as such it is only ever a temporary solution to a problem which can be permanently solved.