Motivation and Willpower

In the past, I relied on willpower to temporarily stop watching porn. I got better and better at using willpower, but eventually - I always relapsed. After relapsing, I would feel absolutely awful. Drained, lethargic, and annoyed at myself. And then I'd do it again, and again.

"One more time won't hurt, I'll start a new streak tomorrow."

"I've already relapsed, may as well make the most of it now".

The addicted part of my mind (APOTM) swung me around like a puppet on a string.

I hadn't realised at the time, but all of that motivation and all those thoughts around "starting again tomorrow" were part of the addiction. I was simply managing and controlling my porn use using motivation, willpower, and measuring success through days of abstinence. This is completely the wrong way to go about things. It is exhausting and frustrating and most importantly - it does not work. The path to freedom lives in choice. The path beyond compulsion is one which requires education and a fresh perspective. Strategy over willpower. Being proactive versus being reactive. Smart instead of strong.

And focusing on actively changing addicted neural pathways with a specific actionable tool, instead of trying to will it out until the next inevitable relapse.

The mental freedom which lives on the other side of the temporary discomfort of withdrawal is available for those who are willing to do what is required to experience it.

But, what is required is not will alone.