Having spent many years within porn addiction recovery communities, I have witnessed hundreds, maybe thousands of people sharing that they've just done something they're not proud of, and ending their post with the question... "Was this a relapse?".
It's a big question, with an unclear answer.
So, let's get into it!
Okay, first and foremost, it's natural as part of your porn addiction recovery to have this question. However, how we answer this has two very different outcomes. "The NoFapper Response" to this question is the one that I've taken for most of my life. It is a response that 99% of people will take. This common response is like a ticking time bomb. If you do what the majority do, it's only a matter of time until you do, undoubtedly, relapse. The NoFapper Response to "Was this a relapse?"
As I say, I've literally seen hundreds, maybe thousands of questions along the lines of "Was this a relapse?". And I know this is not what you were coming here to read... but there is no definitive answer. Different people have different responses to this question. People have different responses to this question on different days. It is completely subjective.
Asking this question is like a teacher asking a classroom full of children what they want for their dinner. Firstly, they'd get a shit-ton of different responses, and secondly... and most importantly - it is utterly pointless. In fact, it's not just pointless. It is actually extremely detrimental!! You get into a spin of question after question. The vortex of uncertainty takes away your choice in the present moment and ahhh we're fully relapsing now!!! So what is the alternative?
The Beyond Compulsion response to "Was this a relapse?"
Within the Beyond Compulsion Academy, we teach that people are empowered, moment by moment, to make choices for themselves. We know this because we (Me and Mari) and our clients get to experience a life where day in and day out - we make choices we are proud of. But, to get here, we had to learn about the addicted part of the mind. And one thing we know is that the addicted part of the mind loves to get us thinking about the past, thinking about the future, and feeling unsure of ourselves. The addicted part of the mind loves an unanswerable question. It creates feelings of helplessness or sometimes feelings of deprivation. That anxiety of "Have I done something wrong?" kicks in and the addicted part of the mind bullies people into "fully giving in" just to get out of uncomfortable feelings. Let's be honest, the addicted part of your mind doesn't really give a f*ck about you. It just wants to get it's fix. And fair play to it. That's it's job. So "was this a relapse?" is just another ploy in our eyes. It's a tactic the addicted part of the mind loves to use to get people away from being in the present moment (where their choice is) and way off into the land of confusion. Having the question "was this a relapse?" IS WANTING TO ENGAGE RIGHT NOW. It is an indicator of desire. It is the addicted part of the mind posing as the rational part of the mind. It seems productive. It seems analytical and it seems clever. But, it is just another ploy. And we can breathe and rest in the knowledge that asking this question is just the addicted part of the mind. We go to our neural pathway rewiring script because we are wanting to engage in our compulsive behaviour right now, we make a choice, and we move on with our day. Simple.
Conclusion
The question is a ploy. If you want real freedom from porn addiction, it is essential to disengage from such questioning and acknowledge the desire in that moment. It seems rational, but that is just how it is designed. There is no definitive answer and chasing one will drive you nuts, likely leading to a full-blown relapse. Get back into the present moment, make your choice in that moment, and embrace the freedom and clarity of knowing you are in control of yourself... right now!
*If you'd like to learn how to have control complete over yourself and get your life back - you can copy and implement the full Beyond Compulsion™ method by joining the Beyond Compulsion Academy.