From feeling like an idiot to feeling freedom

The Trap

When I was in a porn addiction, I would criticise myself all the time.

"Why have I spent so long scrolling today? I've wasted so much time!" "Why did I eat so much today? I feel horrible now! I'm such an idiot".

"How do I stop looking at this stuff? What is wrong with me?"

I now see all of this as part of a life inside of a compulsion.

The Addicted Part Of The Mind's Role

The addicted part of the mind (APOTM) is 100% invested in you adopting a position of helplessness.

If it can get you feeling bad about yourself, and who you "inherently" are then the chances of you eventually saying "to hell with it" increase dramatically.

Watching porn is all that the APOTM wants you to do. The APOTM has one job, 24/7.

The Escape

Now I've put the rational mind in 100% total control by understanding and outsmarting the APOTM's every tactic, I no longer experience the self-deprecating thoughts that used to control me.

Over the weekend, I had an ice cream when playing football with my mates in the park and a couple of beers at the Sheffield Wednesday game with my uncle.

The old me, living in the land of compulsion, would've gone around in circles in my head overthinking these choices and trying to figure out what was okay. This would have led me to some extreme all or nothing thinking and ending up at porn.

The Self-Improvement Mistake Within the world of NoFap, there are a lot of self-improvement gurus.

These guys are throwing shit at the wall trying to solve porn addiction with stupid rules, restrictions, and conditions in their life. They are not free to choose. They live in accordance with what their followers perceive to be "healthy choices".

The gym, meditation, cold showers, reading books. Good choices, sure. But, often for the wrong reasons. I used to live like that and it is unsustainable. It didn't work. I was on a perpetual hamster wheel, running from my addictions with self-improvement.

Real Freedom, Living Beyond Compulsion

Fortunately, I escaped that toxic NoFap world and now get to make choices I like and simply move on.

There is no extra-curricular overthinking. I live in the present moment and am grateful for the good things in my life every step of the way. Just like me, you are free to make choices for yourself and can do whatever the hell you want with your life. Choices do have consequences. And you already know what they are. The APOTM will do it's best to convince you that you don't know what is reasonable.

You know porn is never a reasonable choice. I don't need to tell you this.

The Truth Behind Watching Porn

There is no such thing as reasonable porn use.

It is a drug that leaves you wanting more and more and more. An insatiable thirst that the APOTM thrives on with thoughts like "this will never go away, unless I give in". But if you do choose to "give in", you stay stuck in this cycle you've created for yourself even longer. Relapse is not part of recovery.

That is a lie being told by many to comfort the APOTM who does the talking right after relapsing. It is keeping you stuck and you are better than this. Every time you choose to engage in your compulsive behaviour, you strengthen addicted neural pathways. You choose to stay in the land of compulsion and be subjected to the APOTM's bullying. If you listen to the APOTM and let those self-deprecating thoughts go unchecked, you'll inevitably end up stuck. You will stay trapped in a hamster wheel of self-hatred, frustration, deprivation, and uncertainty. You deserve better than this. Trust your own judgement. You know porn is ruining your brain. Do not let it destroy your life.

Stand up to the APOTM and take back control of your mind by making overcoming your porn addiction your #1 priority. And then, piece by piece, you'll watch the parts of your life that once felt broken fall into place — like a jigsaw puzzle finally coming together. And you'll realise it wasn’t you that was the problem.

It was the inadequate, common methods for dealing with compulsion all along.