Elevated Self-Trust

When I was in the porn addiction, I would feel good on a streak.

Most of the time I felt like I was acting rationally. But then, seemingly "out of nowhere", I'd lose control entirely and crash and burn into the flames of a relapse. I felt so ashamed afterwards. I felt disconnected and confused. I'd walk around aimlessly like a zombie, feeling out of place and distant. I'd look at the world around me and feel like I wasn't part of it anymore and instead was just an observer of it.

These bad times right after relapsing were pretty severe. I'd start again and again and again. And all of those relapses or "failed attempts" culminated in a gigantic erosion of my self-trust.

Last month, my parents visited a place in Italy called Civita di Bagnoregio. It is known as the "dying city" due to its foundation being completely unstable and continuing to erode.

My self-trust was experiencing a similar fate.

Fast forward to now and I couldn't feel more comfortable talking about this problem. Getting out of control is a thing of the past.

My neural pathways have changed and my self-trust has been restored.

To get here, I applied a 5-fact script again and again and again. I used everything Mari Paulus taught me to outsmart the addicted part of my mind (APOTM). Mari's 35+ years of addiction recovery experience and my determination to listen and apply what she told me to do saved me from complete erosion.

The APOTM will try to use the erosion of the past against you. Self-trust does not increase from days of abstinence alone. A deeper level of self-trust compounds slowly through dealing with the APOTM and experiencing urges, without acting on them, correctly, moment by moment. Permanent mental freedom is possible.